My son Odin is in Alaya’s Snow Lion classroom, and a recent discussion at the community night led to me writing this post about food and young children. I work as a speech and feeding therapist in the community, and I love helping families create happier dynamics at home and in life.
My work as a therapist has changed many of the ways that I view children's relationships with food, as well as my own relationship with food. The concepts and strategies below may not magically lead to your child eating more food overnight, but I have seen that when they are implemented consistently, that they positively affect long-term relationships with food throughout life. When we reframe mealtimes to be about exploration, curiosity, and experimentation-- instead of about how much food is consumed-- we can increase a child's internal motivation to make their own choices about foods.
Thinking about Food- Ideas to Consider:
We really can't force kids to eat. If kids sense pressure to eat, they often want to do it even less. If a mealtime environment is stressful for a child, their system releases adrenaline, and that adrenaline acts as an appetite suppressant; if they are stressed or pressured, they will ultimately try fewer foods and eat less overall during that meal.
Explore your own feelings about trying new foods. For example, much of American culture does not eat bugs. If you were presented with a cricket, and then told that “in order to leave the table, you MUST eat a bite of it,” how would your nervous system react? How would your nervous system feel if you had time to watch others eat the cricket and explore the cricket for a while? If you are a person who eats crickets, try brainstorming some foods that you have never had and are unfamiliar with to do this activity.
It can take 25 (or more, for some children) exposures to a food, before they accept it as preferred or less preferred. Some children need many exposures PER SENSE (see it 25 times, touch it another 25, lick it another 25, spit it out another 25) depending on the food or their history with food in general. Each individual person’s sensory system is unique; some of us are “sensory-seekers” and greatly enjoy exploring new sensory experiences to include those with food. Other people enjoy new sensory experiences that are NOT food-related. Some people enjoy the textures of new foods, but are very hesitant with the smells of new foods. For some children, the sound made by chewing the food is like nails on a chalk board. Some children find many types of sensory stimuli to be overwhelming, and this can make them very unsure of new foods.
Children make a "yucky" face when sensory experiences are new. Researchers have suggested this is a protective evolutionary feature to new foods that could be poisonous. If we label it as "yucky," we set them up to associate that feeling with new foods. If we label the sensory property or emotion (e.g. "surprise!" or "spicy!" or "oh that had a kick!" or "that was crunchier than I thought it would be, too"), and then try it ourselves to see what WE think, we create a different framework for exploring sensory properties of foods.
If we ask questions about "like" or "dislike" or "is it good?" or "you don't like it?" we create a framework around good/bad. What about the in-between? Yes/No questions offer an opportunity for "yes/no"- what about specifics? Once again, sensory properties (sweet, crunchy, sour, lots of seeds) give us a new framework.
Creating frameworks such as "IF you eat your peas, you can have a cookie" makes the cookie more desirable than the peas. There is good research about when this was done with two different foods; I'll use a cake and an orange in my example: researchers would say "IF you eat the cake, THEN you can have the orange." Children developed a preference for the orange over the cake, seeing it as the reward. This happens consistently with the food that is the "reward"; it does not matter which is "healthy" or "not healthy." (see G.Mikula, European Journal of Social Psychology, 1989).
Playing with food and being messy is such an important part of the food exploration process for children. If we are constantly cleaning them during a meal, this can be very upsetting to the sensory exploration piece of eating. Some children also really dislike being wiped off, which can lead to a negative association with sitting at the table. It can help to try creative ways to clean your child after a meal, where the “cleaning” stays pleasant and child-led.
If children "graze" (where they eat frequently), they may never have the sensation of "hunger" or "fullness"; this can cause reluctance to try new foods. If they are never really hungry, they may just eat "safe" foods to keep their stomachs "just full enough to not have to try anything." Meals and snacks should be about 1.5-2 hours apart to avoid grazing.
Finally, if you are concerned your child has challenges with food, it is essential to rule out any physical issues related to GI-discomfort such as allergies, intolerances, and reflux. When children associate discomfort with eating, they can develop strong beliefs about some foods and aversions to some foods.
Ideas to Try at Home:
Involve your child in the food preparation process.
a. They can help arrange foods on the plate; they can chop food with a "kid-safe" knife.
b. Do your best to sit down and eat WITH your child, even if for only part of the meal/snack. c. Children learn so much by watching how we ourselves are eating.
Try a "community plate" where there are 3 choices on the plate.
a. Research shows we eat more when we have to reach with our hand for the food.
b. You can still have the normal family dinner that you made, and portion some things out to make it look like "choices."
c. Consider a "first plate" and then a "I wonder what's on the second plate" to create more control over the choices the child gets.
Avoid giving too much attention to negative "testing" statements, and doing your best to redirect them positively:
a. Child: "I don’t' want carrots in my burrito!" Adult: "I wonder if zucchini would be crunchier? Or “do you think we should try peppers or carrots next time?"
b. C: "I don't want dinner!" A: "Ok that's your choice; you can make your own choices at the table."
Self-talk concept: Adult: "I wonder if my carrot is crunchier than my cucumber." Then take a bite and comment on how many teeth marks you made.
a. Talk aloud to yourself using self-talk, if it’s just you and the child eating together. Or talk to other adults or children if they are at the table, too.
b. Go on a scavenger hunt: “Hey look! I found the teensiest baby broccoli in my soup!”
c. This is very different than asking a child directly; they are watching YOU explore.
Play with your food and then eat it.
a. Tower made out of croutons, chomp one off the top.
b. Look up food art ideas on the internet; involve your child in making one.
Introduce your child to foods that can contain a mixture of smaller-chopped ingredients; once the larger "whole food" is accepted, you can then have your child help you cook it, and add less-preferred things in small pieces.
a. Smoothies as a “whole food” (add smaller pieces of: spinach, kale, zucchini, etc.)
b. Burritos/quesadillas (explore variations of what you can chop and put inside)
c. Soups with a puree base (chop small things and put in food processor to make the soup)
d. Stews (pieces or puree base)
“Food Chaining” is the method of moving from a preferred food to a less preferred food, by slowly changing properties about the preferred food. You change one small thing at a time. E.g. if your child eats French Fries, but does not eat hash browns, you can gradually change the size of the French Fry until it resembles a hash brown piece. This is especially meaningful if the child helps with the chopping/cooking. Many families have found reading about Food Chaining to be helpful.
There are so many more ideas than just the above! I am always happy to guide you towards other resources about creating joyful and curious eaters. If you have specific questions about picky eating, problem eating, or feeding therapy (which are not specifically addressed above), please feel free to reach out to me.
About the Author
Cathy Lauderbaugh is a local speech and feeding therapist in Boulder. She is passionate about working with families of young children (birth to 3 years; and preschool) and developing strategies that honor the whole child as part of the family. She works to help children learn through play and movement, and to find their own internal motivation to learn and to be curious about more learning. She is so grateful to have the teachers at Alaya supporting her son Odin and her family. Learn more or connect at www.CreativeStrategiesTherapy.com
