Hi Alaya Families! I work as a speech therapist in the Boulder community, and I have recently received questions about helping children learn language, specifically social language, amidst the current pandemic—a time where children may have had less opportunities for social learning, or just opportunities that look a little different, or may feel a bit overwhelming.
Children’s brains are incredibly flexible when they are young; in fact, about 85% of neural pathways are formed under age 3-yrs-old. If we are specific and intentional about how we interact with young children, we have the opportunity to strengthen and create precise neural connections used for communication and social skills. Even with masks, even with less typical social opportunities—we can still boost communication skills.
Social interactions may create many emotions within a child, some of which can be very overwhelming, causing a child to feel dysregulated or “out of control.” Even when the emotions are “happy” ones, children may experience them as BIG feelings and need some help organizing their responses. Most early childhood professionals are taught to label how a child is feeling; I often find myself wondering if the way adults label a child’s emotions is how the CHILD themselves is actually feeling. It’s tempting to say “you are feeling angry” when it might be a better reflection to first say “it looks like you are having a big feeling”—and then use “self-talk” about your own emotions to see if any of them resonate with the child (e.g. “When I break something I’ve worked hard on, I sometimes feel angry too, and even a bit disappointed”). I have found that when I talk through the emotions, many children pick a different one than I had originally chosen for them. Throughout all the ideas below, “self-talk” is a powerful tool to use in supporting a child who is nervous, shy, or having a “big feeling.”
Here are some ideas about creating opportunities for social learning, and increasing confidence in communication skills—even in a pandemic:
1. Masks:
a. Use a clear mask some of the time so they can see your facial expressions. Or pull your mask down (when you are able) to model something.
b. Don’t feel bad about not being able to show your face all the time—the amazing thing about the brain is that it will generalize: it will remember what it saw in similar moments. If you have modeled how to move your mouth or face without your mask, you can then try saying “let’s move our mouths together” with your mask ON, and you will be amazed that the child’s mouth knows what to do!
c. For further reading: Do Masks Delay Language Development?
2. Whole Body Listening: WBL is where we model what each of our body parts is doing to listen in a conversation. e.g. “my eyes are looking at John”; “my feet are quiet so my ears can hear Lia.” You can then use these skills to support other social moments.
a. Reframe a silent head-nod or a head-shake. Instead of saying “no?” uncertainly to the child, you can use WBL to say “You’re shaking your head to say… not yet please” which models words a child can use while still honoring how they originally communicated.
b. Reframe emotions: e.g. sometimes children will use “scared” for all new moments. You can honor them by first saying “that seems scary to you; I see your body is shaking a bit; I wonder if it’s also really exciting and new! I had never felt anything that bumpy before!”
3. Social Stories to Teach Social Skills: Research has proven how effective social stories are in teaching a variety of skills.
a. In dramatic play: Have the characters act out common social interactions that are happening for your child. The characters can be people, animals, cars, trucks—they can all talk and use appropriate words in the play.
b. In books: Point to a character on the page and have it talk with words you are trying to teach the child in that situation. Example: At the end of the book Little Blue Truck (Schertle and McElmurry), all the animals get in the truck to go for a ride. Point to the each animal and say “the duck says… my turn!”; “the sheep says… my turn” and point at the animal moving into the truck as they say “my turn.”
c. Use Whole Body Listening phrases in dramatic play and books to emphasize what you see in the characters’ bodies. E.g. In the Piggie and Elephant books (Mo Willems), Piggie will hold up a finger when saying something. This is a moment to point to Piggie’s finger and say “Piggie is holding up a finger; that shows Piggie is thinking of an idea to share! Piggie has a new idea!” You can even practice imitating the body actions and saying the words that go with the action.
4. Group Activities to Teach Turn-Taking:
a. The teacher is holding a book during group story time, and presents it to each child to offer a turn to comment or point. Label the turn specifically: “John smiled at the book”; “Lisa pointed at the turtle”; “Lily said “turtle!”; “Mac shook his head no thank you”; “Noah started swimming like a turtle.” In this way, we are not making anyone take a turn, we are just labeling how they chose to participate and thanking them for participating. Over time, children may choose on their own to participate more verbally, as they get more comfortable.
b. Singing songs and labeling how different friends are participating as turns.
c. Teachers/Adults modeling turns. e.g. at home: “Dad, my turn please” and Mom holds her hands out and waits. Dad then says “I’m almost done. Ok, your turn” and hands it to her. Then Mom might take her turn and then hand it back to Dad—to teach that when you give a turn, you can also get the object back, too, for another turn.
5. Wait-Time: When adults use increased “wait-time,” children have more time to process their thoughts and their emotions. When adults wait after asking a question, children have more time to provide a more accurate (or meaningful) verbal response.
a. There is research about the power of waiting (“wait-time”): there is a correlation between waiting a few seconds longer to label a word for an infant/toddler and that child having a higher vocabulary when older.
b. Waiting also allows for processing—if a child is really upset or dysregulated, they are probably functioning in their limbic system (the part of the brain that controls emotions). This is the time to hug the child or give the child space and just wait—you can tell them you care about them and want to help—but try to keep talking to a minimum. When children are functioning within their limbic system, they are not able to access language.
c. Use the other strategies in numbers 2, 3, and 4 above (e.g. social stories) after the upsetting moment has passed and the child is able to access the language part of their brain.
Some of Cathy’s Favorite Resources:
1. Clear masks: www.adcohearing.com
2. First Words Project: www.firstwordsproject.com
3. Book/Audiobook: NutureShock by Bronson and Merryman
4. Child Development Ideas: www.zerotothree.org
5. Ross Greene’s Method of Problem-Solving about ways adults can collaborate with children.
6. Feel free to connect with me for questions about other resources!
About the Author
Cathy Lauderbaugh is a local speech and feeding therapist in Boulder. She is passionate about working with families of young children (birth to 3 years; and preschool) and developing strategies that honor the whole child as part of the family. She works to help children learn through play and movement, and to find their own internal motivation to learn and curiosity about learning. She first met the Alaya teachers several years ago as a visiting therapist and was beyond impressed by the ways in which they talked to the children. She is so grateful to have the teachers at Alaya supporting her own son Odin and her family. Learn more or connect at www.CreativeStrategiesTherapy.com.
